I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize