It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
