Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
