So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
