She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
