You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
