last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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