I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
