Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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