Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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