She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
