I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
soo... how was my night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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