You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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