If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
