my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
