conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
