I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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