He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
