Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
