I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
