I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
