Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
