I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
