i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i've created a new STD.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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