I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
