It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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