I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
