I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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