a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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