Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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