Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
