nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
