"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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