she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
