The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
