How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
