Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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