Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
