ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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