saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize