And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
