YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
