If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize