iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
