Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
