conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
