Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
