I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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