Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
