Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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