I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize