Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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