he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
