i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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