Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
