your parents love me but you hate me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
