I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
