C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize