Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
