My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
