Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize