I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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