he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
