You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
