i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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