Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
