Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize