i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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