I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
