fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
