He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
