Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
