I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
