Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
