This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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